The maid of honor just puked.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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