you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
