I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
