I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
