Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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