I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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