Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
