i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
