How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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