I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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