dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
