he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize