I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am puke
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
