Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
