Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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