The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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