im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
