A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
