Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
