Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She bit a glass in half.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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