I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
