Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
