I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We need a shit load of segways right now
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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