I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
