when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
