How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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