he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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