In the future we'll all be gay
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
