white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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