there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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