Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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