the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
