Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize