how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
