my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
