He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
