just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
