i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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