I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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