I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
