Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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