sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
