New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize