Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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