If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
