Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
