i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize