no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
