I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
