someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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