Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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