I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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