To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
