Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well most of my day revolves around power hour
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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