Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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