My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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