i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
