If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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