Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
