I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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