my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
