I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
