It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
third nipple confirmed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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